I published this introspective post on my personal blog after pushing myself to go out one night and regretting it.

I am a night owl, but I have a complicated relationship with night life.

There’s a certain excitement about getting ready for a dance, a party, a night on the town. I slip on my best dress. Put on mascara. Spritz on some perfume. Then I head for the door, imagining what awaits and hoping for the euphoric night all the movies promised me.

Since 2014, when I attended my first dance, each occasional time I’ve went out I’ve fed off that energy. The energy of anticipation. If only the festivities were as exciting for me as preparing for the night.